Living In An Age
by piercek7
Summary: Nessie's life, year by year.
1. Chapter 1

Year 1:

It was Nessie's first birthday. She was standing next to her mother, holding her hand and watching, as her grandmother, Esme, carried a large cake toward her. It was a pretty big party. All the members of the Quileute's were there, of course with Jacob. Even Charlie made an appearance, standing next to Billy Black near the giant table of food, both looking uncomfortable.

It had been one year since her birth. She stood about three feet tall with her curly hair hanging loosely about her shoulders. Her aunt Alice had chosen a blue cotton dress for her to wear with black shoes.

Not knowing for sure exactly how old she was, her mother had guessed and put 4 candles on the cake.

Setting the cake on the table, Esme lit the candles. Everyone around her began singing "Happy Birthday".

Smiling wide, Nessie squeezed her mother's hand, showing her how she felt. Images of her families smiling faces flashed through Bella's mind. She smiled and watched as Nessie leaned forward and blew out her candles.

"Did you make a wish?" Bella said softly into Nessie's ear. Ness just nodded and Bella grabbed a knife to cut the cake.

Clapping, Nessie looked around for her father. Coming up behind her, Edward scoops her up in his arms and kisses the side of her face.

"Happy Birthday, Ness"

"Thanks, Daddy."

Leaning her head on his shoulder, she looks over at Jacob to find him smiling at her. _Happy Birthday, _he says silently. Smiling wider Nessie lifts her head and looks down at her father.

"Presents?"

"Presents."


	2. Chapter 2

**Year 2:**

She had grown so fast. It had been two years since her birth. To any regular person, she looked 6 almost 7 years old. That was, until she spoke. She learned so quickly. Her grandfather, Carlisle couldn't keep up with her; she was already smarter than him. But today, it didn't matter.

It was her birthday.

Looking around her, Nessie saw some of her Quileute friends. Grandpa Charlie wanted her to have some regular friends, as did Jacob, so Bella and Edward had allowed Nessie to have play dates on the reservation, with strict rules though. No biting, and no drinking blood. She wasn't able to attend school, simply because she grew so quickly, everyone would ask questions.

Jake had invited all the kids to her birthday party. It was a grand event. Her Grandma Esme had been so excited to be able to decorate that it was all Aunt Alice could do to keep her from hiring an entire circus.

It was everything a little girl could ask for. A petting zoo, a moon bounce, a clown making balloon animals and presents upon presents.

She would never forget this birthday.

"Are you excited?" came her father's voice behind her.

"Yes, I am" Smiling up at him, then whispering softly "Just make sure Uncle Jasper is alright with everyone being here."

Chuckling a little, Edward nodded, and then pushed Nessie toward her friends.

Finding two of her friends climbing on Jacob, as if he were a giant jungle gym, Nessie giggled, then jumped on him too.

"Uncle Jake, you're so funny!"

"Thanks, Ness. By the way, Happy Birthday. As for the rest of you, get ready for some hurting." This was quickly followed by loud childish giggles.


	3. Chapter 3

**Year 3: **

This year was much quieter. Having grown out of my friends on the reservation, I just wanted a small get together with my family for my birthday.

Of course, this included Jake and Billy, Grandpa Charlie and Seth. Leah was invited but she politely declined. I understood why.

We gathered in the living room, all of us, and everyone watched as I opened my gifts. I enjoyed these moments, all the people I love in one room.

Aunt Alice was the one to give me the most presents. She would buy me the most beautiful clothes. My mom thinks that Alice's love for fashion was rubbing off on me because I loved everything that was given to me and I actually wanted to wear it all.

I loved getting presents. It was so much fun to unwrap them, not knowing what was inside.

After the last gift was opened, Grandma Esme brought out a small cake. No candles this year, it was just too difficult to figure out my real age, since I grow so quickly.

Jake, and Seth were the first to take a piece, as usual. I laughed a little then took my own. Uncle Jake and Seth had gone in on a present together for me. Together they had built me a wooden swing for the backyard. I really like it but I'm a little too short for it now.

"Happy Birthday, Ness" came my father's voice from behind me. Turning around, I smiled up at him.

"Thanks Daddy. Oh did you see those boots Aunt Alice got me? They are so nice!"

"Yeah, Ness, I saw them." Laughing a little, he scooped me up and hugged me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Year 4: **

I had decided this year that I wanted to go somewhere other than Forks for my birthday, so my mother decided it would be a good time to visit Phoenix. The three of us packed a few things and headed to the airport. I hugged and kissed everyone goodbye and looked around for Jake.

I had told him excitedly about our plans and he seemed happy for me. I wanted to say goodbye.

"I'm gonna miss you, Ness." Jake said, from behind me.

Turning around, I smiled up at him.

"Don't be such a big baby. I'll be back soon. Try not to hurt Rose's feelings too much while I am gone."

Scooping me up in his arms, he gives me a big bear hug.

"Jake, you're squishing me, let go." I said, laughing a little.

"Be safe, see ya later."

"She'll be fine Jake" my father said, reading Jake's mind "you don't have to worry. She'll be back in no time, so stop hovering."

My father always got annoyed when Uncle Jacob got protective of me. But I think it's funny.

I got into the car and rolled down the window. Everyone stood in the driveway to send us off since it was my first time away from home. Just as we rolled down the driveway, I turned and looked back at Jacob.

"Happy Birthday Nessie!!" He yelled to me. I smiled and waved.


	5. Chapter 5

**Year 5: **

Standing in the living room, alone, I realized that I was relieved. Relieved that another year had passed.

Taking a deep breath I turned and looked out the window into the woods. I was alone in the house and strangely enough, I felt oddly alone in this world. I enjoyed the feeling. I was learning to actually feel things. I was feeling all kinds of things lately. I felt love, hope, anxiety, compassion, all things I had never experienced before. Smiling a little to myself, I reach out and touch the glass. There were so many things I hadn't seen or experienced yet, only read about in books. I was feeling held back.

I guess it's a teenage thing. I must be about 15 or 16 by now but technically I have only been alive for 5 years.

A birthday party was being planned for me. It was going to be the smallest party yet, just my aunts and uncles. No grandpa Charlie and no one from the reservation. Not that I frequented the reservation much anymore. It was getting harder for me to escape my mind and another new emotion, guilt. Ever since a few months back when a new clan of vampires showed up and found me on the reservation, things have been very tense with the pack and me.

I let me hand fall to my side and my eyes blurred a bit at the memory. It was difficult being the only one in my family who was able to cry. I blinked my eyes and looked away from the woods.

That was when I heard him open the door and enter the house. He was never very good at hiding the fact that he was always never very far from me, even now as he tried to be near me without me knowing. I sighed and let him think I was deep in thought.

_Jake_. He was like this crazy bodyguard that was also my best friend. It's been weird for me this past year and Jake has stood by me, just as he always has. I wonder if this is how my father feels about Aunt Alice and Aunt Rose.

"Happy Birthday Renesmee" he whispers softly from the entrance to the room. "You are officially 5 years old today."

Entering the room, I watch him walk towards me, his six-foot-five frame gracefully maneuvering about the room. I smiled at him as he approached. He stopped in front of me and put his hands in his pockets.

"Don't be sad today, Ness. He wouldn't want you to be sad."

"I know, it's just difficult for me. All these new emotions and experiences are quite a bit to handle. Especially since Seth's been gone. I feel so, what did mom call it? Guilty?"

Grabbing my shoulders he pulled me towards him and engulfed me in the famous Jacob bear hug. I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his shoulder.

"It wasn't your fault Ness. You have to understand that there are some things you can't control."

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. I thought about all the good things that had happened so far in my life and pulled myself together.

"Besides, if you get tears on that dress Alice got you, she just might fall off the deep end."

I looked up at him and smiled.

"Thanks Jake, you always know just what I need."

Pulling away, he grabbed my hand and we headed to the backyard for my birthday party.


	6. Chapter 6

Year 6:

Looking at myself in the mirror, it was hard to believe that this is what I will look like for the rest of my life. I don't mind though. I realize that this is who I am. My mother hasn't changed since I was born; my father hasn't changed in over a hundred years. Everyone in my family will stay the same.

The clock on the table next to the bed read 6:14. It had been 10 months 4 days 6 hours and 14 minutes since I had left my home. I smiled softly to myself. Alice had been the only one with a warning and a very small one at that. I had simply decided that I needed to leave, to be alone for a while. Since Seth's death I had been experiencing so many new emotions that it was overwhelming me. So I put a few things into a bag, grabbed some cash and walked into the living room. I informed everyone what I was going to do and most of them just nodded.

My mother had been worried; she didn't want me to be alone. I showed her what I was feeling and she understood. My father didn't say anything, just hugged me.

It had been Jacob who took it the hardest. He kept asking to let him come with me but I knew I had to do this on my own. I just touched his face and showed him how I felt and it was strangely difficult to bear the pain that shown in his eyes. I didn't understand it at the time.

So, today is my birthday. I have spent the last ten months travelling from city to city, country to country; experiencing all the things I had only ever read about.

I walked over to the window of my room and looked out. The streets of Paris were narrow; buildings were so close to one another it seemed like I could reach out and touch the one next to mine. Pulling the curtain closed I headed toward the door, hearing someone approach.

Pulling it open, Maggie stood before me. She had heard that I was taking what she called "a walkabout" and had found me in Paris a few days ago. She and I had spent the last few days talking about her clan, her heritage, and the first time she had met me. She was the first friendly vampire I had encountered.

"Let's go." She said with a thick Irish brogue. Smiling I closed the door behind me and headed out of the building.

Year 10:

"I'm ten years old today" I said, laughing softly to myself.

"Really? Could have fooled me." The man behind me said with a little laugh.

Embarrassed, I blushed and turned the first corner I came to. The streets of London were crowded with people and I was making my way to the pub. I love London. I just finished my first year at Imperial College, but I have been living here for nearly two years now and it feels like I will never get tired of it.

I turn down Gloucester road and find myself in front of my favorite pub. Opening the door, I spot a few of my friends. It is all very normal. I never have to worry about vampires or werewolves; I just worry about friends and school work.

"Nessie! Happy Birthday!" Evelyn shouts as I head across the pub towards her.

Sitting at a small table in the back was Evelyn, Emma, Desmond and Arnaut. I currently share an apartment with Evelyn and Emma while I have several classes with Desmond and I guess you could say that Arnaut and I are dating though I would never say he was my boyfriend.

"Thank you!" I say as I take off my jacket and give kisses all around. I look at my friends and realize how content I am. I enjoy their company and I enjoy its simplicity.

"Here are your presents." Says Emma as she hands me a few bags and wrapped boxes.

"You guys shouldn't have!" I smile and take all the gifts. Unwrapping the first box, I open the lid and move aside the tissue paper. Lying inside is a glossy black picture frame with a picture of the four of us.

"It's the most important people in your life, besides your family obviously!" Emma says, a smile beaming across her face.

Reaching down I lift out the picture as a pang of guilt rushes over me and I slowly touch each face with my fingertips. I realized in that moment just how much I missed my family. I smile a little and look at Emma across the table.

"Thank you." I say, realizing Emma and I will never grow old together. Our friendship will only be fleeting. I can feel my smile begin to fade a bit as I looked down but I realized then I realized there were more presents.

"Oh who is this from?" I say as I grab a small blue bag from the table.

"That would be me." Arnaut says from next to me.

I smile up at him and open the present.


	7. Chapter 7

**Year 13:**

It's been almost seven years since I've been home. I write to my mother, my father, my grandparents, Aunts and Uncles but I haven't actually seen them face to face since I left home. Their letters are always exciting to get and every time I read them, I feel less homesick, instead of more, if that's even possible. Yet, there are some letters that have stopped coming. Jake's. I've always known he wasn't much for words so I wasn't surprised when his short letters came less frequently.

Though they were short, his letters always made me want to rush home, as if I were missing something that I could only get there. It wasn't until now that I knew it was time to come home. It wasn't a letter I received but something different this time. I came home to my flat in Vienna and a small envelope was on the floor. Inside the envelope was a small wolf whittled out of a tree branch and a smooth white stone.

It was like the floodgates opened up and I just needed to be home like I needed to breath. I threw everything I could into as few bags as possible and left. A short while later, here I am, in the back of a taxi, driving through Forks for the first time in seven years. I know they are waiting for me. I can just imagine, all of them standing at the foot of the stairs waiting for me to open the door.

Smiling a bit to myself I look out at the gray sky. _Same as ever_ I thought. Pulling into my driveway, I felt excited. I couldn't get out of the car fast enough. I threw my money at the cabbie and went straight for the door.

"SURPRISE!!" was what was waiting for me as I opened the front door. Smiling, I looked for my mother and hugged her tight. I had felt that I needed to be away from them to find myself. In that instant, holding my mother close, I realized, I could never really be me without them.

Looking around the room over my mother's shoulder I saw Jacob, standing at the back, a sad smile on his face. I released my mother and turned to my father, wrapping my arms around him. I felt elation, being in this house and seeing my family again. I closed my eyes, absorbing everything. As I opened them again, I looked to where Jacob had been but there was just an empty space where he used to be.


	8. Chapter 8

**Year 13 (part 2)**

Standing at the window, looking out at the forest behind the house, I felt like I had on so many birthday's before, excited and scared all at once. It was good to be home

It was just like before I left, except that I was different and they were all the same, with a few exceptions. Jacob was different. He had become a strong Alpha for his pack. He had become reserved, able to control his emotions and in turn lead the others wisely. He spent a lot of time with Carlisle, learning anything he could. Edward had taught him two languages and all about classical music, though he still didn't care for it. He read more too, but mostly about cars and motorcycles. I learned all of this from my mother though.

Turning away from the window, I thought about the last few days that I had been home. I had seen Jacob at the "Welcome Home" party but he had disappeared almost immediately after seeing me.

Breathing in deeply, I felt a sob well in my chest. Seeing him, after all this time, I had thought it would be like seeing Uncle Emmitt or Uncle Jasper, just a warm welcome with a strong hug. But with Jake it was different. I had felt this overwhelming urge to wrap my arms around him and never let him go. He had changed so much. It felt so right to see him again, to just breathe the same air as him and hear his heart beat. My chest had constricted and my eyes had gotten blurry. I was so overcome with emotion that all I could do was hug my mother tighter.

I had closed my eyes as I felt my father's arms wrap around me and as I opened them again, Jacob was gone. The tightening in my chest exploded and I thought I was going to crumble right there. My eyes filled with tears I couldn't stop and just as I thought I was going to burst, I felt a hand on my back. Instantly peace washed over me. I turned to find Jasper behind me. His eyes locked with mine and he nodded.

"It's alright, he'll be back." was all Jasper said, as he hugged me tight.

Once the festivities were over, I was able to rest but lying in my new bed, all I could think about was Jacob and how much it hurt that he had left.

Today, I had decided to find him, and make him explain himself. My hurt had turned to anger in the three days since I had gotten home. I needed to know why he hadn't written me more, and why he hasn't spoken one word to me since I had been home.

Walking across the living room, and as I reached the door I felt someone behind me.

"He's not at La Push, if you go there, you will miss him and I can't let you miss him. You know where to find him though" Alice said as she touched my cheek. I smiled a bit and nodded. Just before I was out the door she grabbed my arm.

"Don't expect too much from him right now. It will get better, just not today." She said cryptically.

I travelled through the forest at top speed. When I was three years old, Jake and Seth used to take me to a secret cliff North of La Push. They said it was only for special little girls, though I learned that it was just too difficult for regular humans to get to. It was a giant cliff with a small cave that jutted out of the side. Once I hit the beach near the cliff I slowed my pace. Stopping I listened for his heartbeat over the crashing waves.

_There_.

I approached the cave and stood at the entrance. His back was to me as he slipped his shirt on over his head and straightened it out.

"Hey" he said without turning around. His voice was quiet and he wasn't surprised that I was there. Panic flowed through my veins. I couldn't understand why he was acting this way. I'm his imprint; I thought he would be far more excited to see me.

"Hiding from me?" I asked as lightly as I could as I stood frozen at the entrance to the cave and watched as he turned toward me, eyes dark and expression hard.

"No, of course not." He said, his voice lacking all humor, his faced closed off as he turned to face me. He made no move to get closer to me. I couldn't understand why he was so cold, so distant.

"I haven't seen you since I've been back. Why did you leave the party so soon?" I asked lightly, my eyes searching his face for some sign of his emotions. He had changed so much; he was harder, more stubborn and completely closed off to me. My hands began to shake so I clutched them together in front of me, unable to stand still. I was nervous and I had no idea why.

"I thought you would rather be with your family. I didn't want to intrude or get in the way, so I left." He said as he shrugged his shoulders a bit.

"But Jake, you're part of my family. You know that. You just don't want to see me, is that it?" I could feel the anger building inside of me. I took a step towards him.

"Of course I wanted to see you." He said running a hand through his shaggy hair. "You've been gone fore seven years, Nessie! I haven't seen you and I have barely even spoken to you in that time. What did you expect from me?"

"I expected you to be a bit more welcoming." I said, feeling my eyes begin to burn as I remembered three days earlier. I looked away from him trying to focus on anything else, to keep my insane emotions in check.

"I expected you to say _something_ to me. You just barely smiled at me as if I were some obligation that needed to be met." Breathing deeply, I blinked rapidly, to keep the tears at bay. I couldn't believe I was this emotional. It was all coming crashing down on me, three days of being near him without seeing him. I turned my head back to look at his face and caught his eyes before he could hide them from me.

"Are you angry with me, Jake?" I said, bewildered by the look in his eyes. He was hurting, maybe just as much as me, and I was the cause.

"No, Ness. I could never be angry with you." He said shaking his head, his eyes tired. "God knows I've tried, but I just can't be mad at you."

"Then what is going on? I thought you would be overjoyed to see me, just like I was feeling. You even sent me that package. That's why I came home." I said, the words rushing out of me in a panic. I raised my hand to my heart, hoping to slow the beat. The longer he was near me the further he seemed. I spent seven years living hundreds of miles from him but never felt this far away. I had deluded myself into thinking that I could just come back and have everyone be the same. The truth was much harder to accept.

"What package? I didn't send you a package, Ness."

"Yes, you did. It was a little wolf and a smooth white stone. Nothing else." I said searching his face, confused "Who else but you would send me that?" I said clutching my shirt over my heart, hoping it wouldn't break.

I had missed him more than I had ever let myself admit. I was only half a person without him. I wanted to run over to him, wrap my arms around him and feel his heart beat against mine. I wanted him to lift me up in his strong arms and tell me how much he missed me. I wanted _him_. The realization crashed into me like a lightning bolt, both painful and beautiful. But he just looked at me calmly, unattached and it was breaking my heart.

I didn't know what else to say, I just pleaded with him with my eyes. I took another step toward him, hoping to physically conquer the distance he had put between us.

"If you didn't send them, who did?" I asked again, shakily. That package had brought me home. Home to him. .

He looked me in the eye this time and he finally saw me, as I was in this moment. His face softened and he swallowed hard.

"I never sent you a package Nessie but I did make you them." He said and turned away from me, walking over to a bag I hadn't noticed before. Opening the top, he tipped the bag over and dumped the contents out onto the ground. A handful of wooden wolves and white stones spilled about.

"I made one of these for you for every birthday I was forced to miss. I could just never bring myself to send them to you. I have been sitting here, without you for seven years." Looking up and into her eyes he continued

"I was ecstatic when Alice said you were coming home. I could finally see you again. But you walked in that door and I didn't even know you, I barely recognized your face." He swallowed hard again, his breath shaky, his eyes cloudy as he looked away from me.

"I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to ruin the moment, you looked so happy. So I left. That's all, Nessie. I'm sorry if I hurt you." He said, looking down at the small wooden animals on the floor, anywhere but at my face.

"I…" Swallowing hard, I tried to continue against the lump in my throat "Look at me Jake." I said, taking a deep breath. "I came back for you. I came home for you!" I said exasperated.

"I opened up that package; saw the little wooden wolf and this giant gaping hole in my heart began to throb. A hole I had always felt but never acknowledged. I was missing you, desperately. I finally realized that I could never really find myself, without you."

Surprised he looked me in the eye and took a step closer. I couldn't take the distance anymore so I closed the gap between us and stood just inches from him. I could feel his heat and I looked up into his beautiful eyes. "God, I missed you" I whispered without even realizing it.

He smiled. It was the first smile I had seen on his face in seven years and it was the most important thing I had found in all my travelling and searching.


	9. Chapter 9

**Year 21**

Opening my eyes to the sun shining through the bedroom window, I looked at the clock. _8:15 am_. Smiling to myself I realized it was my birthday. Rolling over I felt the place in bed next to me was empty, though I wasn't surprised. Throwing back the covers, I got out of bed and padded down the hall to the bathroom where I heard the shower running. Smiling I reached for the door handle.

"Mommy!" I heard a small voice yell from down the hall. Closing my eyes briefly at my luck, I turned away from the door and towards the voice.

"Good morning sunshine" I said as I walked into the blue and green wallpapered room.

"Happy Birthday" the little boy with dark hair and dark eyes said from beneath his covers.

"Who said that? I don't see anyone in here" I said as I looked at the little lump hiding beneath a blue and green plaid comforter. Throwing the covers back as hard as his little arms would let him, the little boy jumped out from underneath and bounced on his bed.

"It's me mommy! Happy Birthday!" He yelled as he jumped up and down. I laughed and stood in the doorway as he sang the Happy Birthday song to me over and over again.

"He's pretty excited to give you the present he made." Came a voice from behind me as he put his arms around my waist. I turned and looked into Jacob's face and smiled even bigger. He was watching our son jump up and down his bed as water dripped from his freshly washed hair onto my should.

"I'm pretty excited too. Well, not as excited as him I suppose" I said with a small chuckle as the little boy started in on his fifth rendition of Happy Birthday.

"Alright Billy, let's go make your mom breakfast." Jacob said as he walked across the room and grabbed the boy around the waist.

Smiling, I followed my two favorite people down the hall and into the kitchen.


End file.
